1 month

I'm caught.

So one whole month has past since i've posted anything (which i apologise for) and nothing has really happened...

This worries me. I'm nearly 17, but i feel old. I don't feel like i've fullfilled my 'youth' per say.

I'm so useless sometimes.

I just wish i was someone else.

Someone interesting.
Someone worth knowing...please?

I don't know what to name this post...

You know what i hate? Feelings. Life. My uselessness of coping with anything.

But you know what i love? My friends. My family. And more recently i've liked this guy....but that's not the point to this post.
I've found that i'm very closed off. I'm honest with my closest friend, but even then i miss out some very rather large details, but i just can't bring myself to bring her down to this level. She already has soo much on her mind and plus i don't think i'll ever be able to say them out loud.
That sounds more dramatic than it was supposed to be. OK let me put it like this. I have 2 states of mind:

• The blank one- where i completely zone out and become emotionless lets say...
• The chaotic one- where i think about everything and anything to do with life and its meaning...
  
  

Neither one of these makes me good company so most of the time i try to distract myself by socialising with friends, but it gets difficult sometimes.
However, on a more positive aspect of my life, college is going great, even if it is really time consuming but i guess thats a good thing sometimes. But it is great i'm enjoying all of my subjects and i'm making quite a few new friends. Its great! Now that i know college is great i'm really looking forward to uni :)

Bub-bye for now bloggers :)

John Green is the best!

I'm going to move on...

I find i'm the kind of person to hang up on things, taking forever to let things go and letting them get to me. But from today onwards i'm going to try to help myself for once. Let you go and move on so i can be happy all the time rather than some of the time. 
So my social week has come to an end and i find that college has crept up on me. I'm both looking forward to and dreading college. I find i'm terrible in social situations where i'm with people the same age as me. I become really self-conscious and very aware of what i should or want to say and because of it i struggle to feel comfortable with anyone and it takes me WAAYYY too long to make friends. Although i am looking forward to doing maths and sciences again. It's been a long time and i'm kind of a....nerd.
Anyway, doing this blog is making me think too much about the first paragraph and that is defying my own promises. Great, so this has started off really well.

Bub-bye for now bloggers. Now for a few nerdy quotes ;D

HAHAA! John Green is actually my favorite person in the world <3

This should happen...

What a great quote.

 

Social-ness

So this week will be fairly busy. Well to my standards it will...
Today i saw Meg- a very close friend of mine- and it was lovely. We can just talk about nothing all day long and it's just comfortable. I feel so lucky to have someone like that in my life and i never want to let that go.
Tomorrow i shall be enrolling in college seeing another friend and viewing a house and the day after i'll be meeting up with yet another friend. So all in all i think this week is going well so far :)
I think this is the most social i've been  in one week...
I've been thinking a lot this week about life and stress and people but my most recent holiday helped me forget all that and for once i felt completely relaxed. It was nice. But i'll be starting college soon, i'm both nervous and excited but we'll see how it goes.

But for now bub-bye bloggers :)

This is oh so true ;D

THE Results day TOMORROW!!!

From the title of this blog you may notice that i'm terrified about close and upcoming day...so i thought to calm myself down i would blog and search up quotes to make me feel better. So, here we go!

Very true!

I guess so...

So you should!

Ok, if you say so...

Ok.

Well, this is motivational?

I won't stop moving then.

Well, i think i did a LOT of this the last 2 years...

Well i don't know what to make of all that but if this helped you then i'm glad. I'm not as worried as i was but i guess i'll get what i deserve rather than what i want so hopefully that's good.

Okk, bub-bye for now bloggers. Maybe tomorrow i'll let you know what i got before i go on holiday :) 

Time has passed.

So since the last time i blogged (which was a while ago. sorry) I have been on holiday twice and i've been preparing for college and i've had my othordontist appointment come through, so it has been rather busy which is part of the reason why i haven't blogged in a while. The other reason is because i just haven't known what to blog about and i'm fairly dull as a person and i'm not very creative at all so i'll just write about my jam packed summer that i didn't expect.
So i've had 2 chilled holidays so far. One with my family. One with my friends. One coming up next week. The day after my GCSE results. Which is a week tomorrow. I'm freaking out like hell, but these holidays have been what i've needed to just give my mind a break and i've enjoyed the time i've spent with my family and friends.
Also, the other week i applied for a job at a supermarket and i'm actually looking forward to hearing if i have an interview or not because i'm intruiged as to whether i'll get an interview or not based on my CV and cover letter alone, bearing in mind i have little to no experience so yeah. I'm weirdly excited for that. But we'll see soon i guess and i actually won't be too disappointed if i don't get it as its only a small job and small pay but it was just to save up a little for university. 
So i'm scared about results day coming up very soon as i can just see myself being really disappointed with myself and knowing that i cant go back and change my tactics hurts but luckily enough for me i've already got the 5 GCSE's i need to get into college but i guess its just my pride and my own aspirations crumbling that will diappoint me. Another thing i'm scared about is getting my braces soon because i know i have to have teeth taken out. Which means injections. Which means the possibility of my fainting again. Which means more embaressment for me. Which also means i have to face up to my phobia of dentists and needles. This is going to be horrible and i know it. But at least i may have them taken off before i go to university. 
I think that's all i have to go on about today but i hope i'll be able to post more. I should really draw out a plan for this but it's whether i can be bothered to do that. Oh dear i'm such a lazy disappointment. My GCSE results are going to be terrible...damn.

Anytime time to go and read. Bub-bye for now bloggers.

This is my favourite quote so far...

 

Heya Biches!!!

Ok. So first note: I spelt bitches wrong in the title on purpose. For those you who do not recognise the reference then i shall recommend you watch Jacksfilms. I'm ever so slightly obsessed and in love with this guy. You should watch him :) BUT just remember he is MINE not YOURS....;) Ok so he isn't really but i can dream can't i? 
Ok so deep thought of the week. I've realised just how short life really is. This thought has been taunting me all week and i've wanted so bad to talk to someone about it but it just a terrible topic to talk about and i don't want to bring people down to that level. So a great weight has just been lifted off of my chest by typing this all down, so thank you to whoever is reading this i may not know you but i've now shared  my deepest thoughts with you who took the time to read this nonesense and to that i say 'you will never know how much i appreciate it, but i can tell you now its bigger than any possible scale you can think of'.
I've also been feeling like a crappy friend recently and i want to change it so bad, but i just don't feel worthy of such amazing friends anymore. There was a time where i would think the exact opposite. With no friends i would think that it was their loss and that i would make a great friend. But the closer i get to my friends, the more i realise that that thought couldn't be anymore false. I'm not looking for compliments or sympathy when i say these things but i've had that little of a social life that i just can't navigate myself through a friendship, meaning i don't kknow the right things to do, the right things to say or things as simple as how to initiate conversation. God knows how i'm going to find a boyfriend. -_-
But on the other hand, i had a great holiday last week with great weather and i'm learning to appreciate the small things and i'm loving it. I don't think i could thank the world enough for being so beautiful. I know there is evil also but at the end of the day that is just part of life that we all need to accept. Well that was a weird tangent but i'm feeling particularly appreciative today.

Bub-bye bloggers :)

Jack you are freakin' awesome, never stop doing what you do :)