Saturday, 20 April 2013
Friday, 19 April 2013
Art and science forever done at GCSE!
I'm done with art. I'm done with science. I finished my art exam today and after 10 hours straight of nothing but art, it's a relief to have it done. I also got my science results yesterday and i got the following;
But first step is to start revising like crazy for my last 8 exams. Only 8! That is one scary thought...well right now, right this second, i am going to relax because god knows i deserve it...
Bub-bye bloggers :)
- Biology-A
- Physics-A
- Chemistry-A*
But first step is to start revising like crazy for my last 8 exams. Only 8! That is one scary thought...well right now, right this second, i am going to relax because god knows i deserve it...
Bub-bye bloggers :)
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| I agree...if only stress didn't exist... |
Saturday, 13 April 2013
Ooops
I'm sorry again for not blogging in a while but i do have a valid reason. I have a 10 hour art exam next thursday/friday and its been a mad rush recently to get all of my exam coursework done so i appologise for that. I hope you can forgive me...
But whilst im on the topic of school, i've found myself panicking alot recently because i know now that i have got only 29 days of school left and then i get my exam results in the summer. I'm scared to be perfectly honest. I'm scared that ill mess my exams up and get bad results and the last 2 years of highschool would have been for nothing... But i've been told otherwise and i'm trying to build my confidence up again. I mean if everyone else an do it, why can't i? right?
It's also my birthday, a week from tomorrow and to be fair, i'm not looking forward to it at all...I turn 16. Probably one of the most important years of your life. You chose you college options, you start to contemplate part time jobs to save for university fees, or in my case you start to think of motorbike/driving tests. I just find it all a bit daunting and intimidating. Its all just come at once, so its overwhelming and i honestly cant tell where to start.
I'm worried i'm going to mess my life up before its even begun, but then the rational part of my brain tell me im being silly, but i can't help but listen to that little patronising voice in the back of my mind saying that i can't. It's too loud to ignore now. Life is getting to intense and complex and i really wish i didnt have to think about it all right now. If im being blunt here, i never thought i'd get this far in one piece. I thought maybe i would be sitting in the corner of a cushioned room rocking back and forth because of the intensity of it all. Yet here i am. Still battling through, like the soldier i want to be.
I guess, in the end, i hope all of this work is worthwhile.
You know whats coming now if you've read my other posts, so it needs no introduction. Bub-bye bloggers.
But whilst im on the topic of school, i've found myself panicking alot recently because i know now that i have got only 29 days of school left and then i get my exam results in the summer. I'm scared to be perfectly honest. I'm scared that ill mess my exams up and get bad results and the last 2 years of highschool would have been for nothing... But i've been told otherwise and i'm trying to build my confidence up again. I mean if everyone else an do it, why can't i? right?
It's also my birthday, a week from tomorrow and to be fair, i'm not looking forward to it at all...I turn 16. Probably one of the most important years of your life. You chose you college options, you start to contemplate part time jobs to save for university fees, or in my case you start to think of motorbike/driving tests. I just find it all a bit daunting and intimidating. Its all just come at once, so its overwhelming and i honestly cant tell where to start.
I'm worried i'm going to mess my life up before its even begun, but then the rational part of my brain tell me im being silly, but i can't help but listen to that little patronising voice in the back of my mind saying that i can't. It's too loud to ignore now. Life is getting to intense and complex and i really wish i didnt have to think about it all right now. If im being blunt here, i never thought i'd get this far in one piece. I thought maybe i would be sitting in the corner of a cushioned room rocking back and forth because of the intensity of it all. Yet here i am. Still battling through, like the soldier i want to be.
I guess, in the end, i hope all of this work is worthwhile.
You know whats coming now if you've read my other posts, so it needs no introduction. Bub-bye bloggers.
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| this is what i feel like sometimes... |
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| but this is what i'm going to learn to do... |
Friday, 5 April 2013
Lonliness...
I know for a fact that the emotion i have been feeling today is the above.
I've felt isolated because of the pile of work i am trying to get through, because people cant keep a conversation going with me.
I was also talking to a friend about guys and stuff and i have noww been asked twice if i like anyone. The thing is i dont know if im lying when i say i dont. Because they're on my mind all the time and i enjoy talking and getting to know them but i dont know if i like them because of feelings and confusion...
I know i've felt like i am now before but i ended up being friend-zoned because i mis-read the signs...so i dont know if what im feeling is real and im denying them or if i just want to feel these things because i feel lonely...
I dont know.
I wish he could just make this easy for me and tell me how it is but no. I do want to be friends though at least, but i guess thats a completely different situation. There usually isnt awkwardness and unspoken topics between friends.
I've felt isolated because of the pile of work i am trying to get through, because people cant keep a conversation going with me.
I was also talking to a friend about guys and stuff and i have noww been asked twice if i like anyone. The thing is i dont know if im lying when i say i dont. Because they're on my mind all the time and i enjoy talking and getting to know them but i dont know if i like them because of feelings and confusion...
I know i've felt like i am now before but i ended up being friend-zoned because i mis-read the signs...so i dont know if what im feeling is real and im denying them or if i just want to feel these things because i feel lonely...
I dont know.
I wish he could just make this easy for me and tell me how it is but no. I do want to be friends though at least, but i guess thats a completely different situation. There usually isnt awkwardness and unspoken topics between friends.
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| I guess i should really contemplate this... |
Wednesday, 3 April 2013
another picture post...
i cant explain myself and my feelings right now so im going to try and figure it out. Im feeling sort of numb. i have so many things in my head that i cant tell 1 from the other...
cliche i know but i understand it...
hmm maybe...?
this would help...
i'm not sad all the time i swear, just confused...
this isnt confusing at all....?
cliche i know but i understand it...hmm maybe...?this would help...this isnt confusing at all....?
FINALLY...(soo many pictures)
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| okk i may not be sad but im going to this anyway... |
Monday, 1 April 2013
Confidence boost.
So, I've been thinking a lot about feelings, people and memories and i was thinking that i could have change so many things that could have made the present so much better than it already is.
I've also been getting to know new people, which is usually hard for me to do because im not very forthcoming or open to change, but i realised how it easy was to do and that i shouldn't be scared of it. This has now opened up so many doors for me and like the title of this post has suggested, i've now had a confidence boost because of this. I guess people make new friends for happiness and a sense of belonging, but ive found i've never really belonged or fit into any group so i guess i make friends because im scared of being alone. Scared of what i would do without guidance or support. I'm weak, that's all. I have made this my next stepping stone to independence, to individuality and stability. I am the one in control of my future. I am the one who has to put in the time and effort to reach my goals and if i don't try, i don't move forward. I don't think many people realise this when they moan about how school is boring or useless. Do they not have goals for life? Not even a small one like to build a stable family? Appreciation. We are deprived of this because of our upbringing in todays society. We are offered soo many luxuries and opportunities that we take for granted. I wish we could just have eternal happiness and appreciation for both the big and small things in our lives...
I saw a bird in my back garden today finding twigs and moss to build a nest with and it made me think of whether i will have a family of my own. I've always known what career i wanted and the kind of house and environment i wanted but i've never imagined anyone else in the picture. No one else watching telly in the front room. No one else playing with 10 dogs in the back garden. No one. Yet i'm scared of being alone? I guess i'm just not that optimistic, well i'll see what happens then shall i?
I've also been getting to know new people, which is usually hard for me to do because im not very forthcoming or open to change, but i realised how it easy was to do and that i shouldn't be scared of it. This has now opened up so many doors for me and like the title of this post has suggested, i've now had a confidence boost because of this. I guess people make new friends for happiness and a sense of belonging, but ive found i've never really belonged or fit into any group so i guess i make friends because im scared of being alone. Scared of what i would do without guidance or support. I'm weak, that's all. I have made this my next stepping stone to independence, to individuality and stability. I am the one in control of my future. I am the one who has to put in the time and effort to reach my goals and if i don't try, i don't move forward. I don't think many people realise this when they moan about how school is boring or useless. Do they not have goals for life? Not even a small one like to build a stable family? Appreciation. We are deprived of this because of our upbringing in todays society. We are offered soo many luxuries and opportunities that we take for granted. I wish we could just have eternal happiness and appreciation for both the big and small things in our lives...
I saw a bird in my back garden today finding twigs and moss to build a nest with and it made me think of whether i will have a family of my own. I've always known what career i wanted and the kind of house and environment i wanted but i've never imagined anyone else in the picture. No one else watching telly in the front room. No one else playing with 10 dogs in the back garden. No one. Yet i'm scared of being alone? I guess i'm just not that optimistic, well i'll see what happens then shall i?
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| I like to think this everyday... |