Fever

The boiling anger that resides in me, simmers just below the surface.

Threatening to tear down the barriers, my icy coolness takes over.

Better to hide my feelings then upset others with my opinions.

I hate hurting people, but I wish they would accept me for who I am.

But I can’t expect them to accept me if they don’t know who I am.

The idea of opening up

Brings that fever again.

replace you with i

Endings.

I always find endings dissatisfying. Even the most wonderful, horrific, perfect, disgusting, truthful, perilous endings just make me feel numb.
The concept of an ending brings a numb feeling with a tinge of awareness.
The end of the year. The end of a book. The end of a school year. The end of a film. The end of a tub of ice cream. 
Its as if my mind doesn't accept the concept. In a perpetual state of denial. 

It's both a blessing and a curse. 

Blessing: I dont suffer the same mourning process that involves crying and/or reminiscing the events of the past.
Curse: I eventually come to terms with it a couple of weeks later, and by that time everyone else is over it and im left to cope on my own. 

Blessing: I can have a non-biased view and opinion on things that others may feel passionately opinionated on. A open mind.
Curse: It means i am susceptible to manipulation. Something i have been victim to from 'friends'...memories i try to supress.

Blessing: I can provide empathy and support to others who need it.
Curse: No one is there for me when i need it, because it comes too late and sucluded from the eyes of onlookers.

I think this all came about from me finishing college. I have this sense of disbelief. Im not too sure what to feel, and i dont think it will dawn on me for quite a while.

Bub-bye for now bloggers.<3

honestly one of my favourite quotes ever...ive probably already posted this before but whatever. I wont care if you dont.

Nearing the end.

So it's nearly over. College. Only 2 years of my life, but it felt like forever.

I am scared though, of the next stage. University.

Although, on the plus side I get to have a relaxing care-free summer for the first time in 4/5 years.

That's it. I'm scared, excited, relieved, worried. I'm just a big mix of emotions right now.

Anyways bub-bye for now bloggers<3

I love metaphors.

Pushing Limits.

There are times where I decide I should reach outside of my comfort zone and I've always been proud of me doing so. However, a couple months ago my parents decided, not me, that I needed to start driving lessons and I will be honest, this is one of the things that has always petrified me. I have always been more of a biker girl.

But after about 10-12 lessons my confidence went up slightly because I was doing well and dare I say, enjoying the drive. But for the last 2 weeks I have had to miss lessons because of exams and my holiday, so the other getting into the car was like I was back at the beginning again. My confidence was gone. I felt like I had just taken a massive step back from my confident steps forward.

I have another lesson at 1pm today. I keep telling myself that its going to be fine, but my mind works in weird ways and I don't know how to tame the nerves anymore. Being in the midst of exam season too isn't helping much seeing as im trying to balance revision for 7 exams.

But I'll be fine right? yeah...I'll be fine...

Bub-bye for now bloggers.

guess I have to try this out...