Awwwwww :'(

aww...i want please even if it is just once...

I want someone like this...

can someone like this walk into my life right now?

please?

John Green

So recently i decided to start reading some more John Green books, as i recently finished The Fault In Our Stars and have been reading a lot of John Green quotes on google images as i feel they are soo inspiring, real and inventive. So im going to share some with you guys :)

Amazing!

Ooohhh, quote-ception....;)

Smile, you know it's true ;)

Break my heart...i'll be fine. Honest.

Thank you, John. Just...thank you :)

Figure this one out ;)

If i could just swap the genders around i could relate this to my life at the moment ;)

It does matter...to me anyway, maybe not to anyone else.

Go on. Google John Green quotes, you know you want to. Although WARNING: you will waste a lot of time on this search, but damn it was time well wasted ;)

Bub-bye for now bloggers :)

1 month

I'm caught.

So one whole month has past since i've posted anything (which i apologise for) and nothing has really happened...

This worries me. I'm nearly 17, but i feel old. I don't feel like i've fullfilled my 'youth' per say.

I'm so useless sometimes.

I just wish i was someone else.

Someone interesting.
Someone worth knowing...please?

I don't know what to name this post...

You know what i hate? Feelings. Life. My uselessness of coping with anything.

But you know what i love? My friends. My family. And more recently i've liked this guy....but that's not the point to this post.
I've found that i'm very closed off. I'm honest with my closest friend, but even then i miss out some very rather large details, but i just can't bring myself to bring her down to this level. She already has soo much on her mind and plus i don't think i'll ever be able to say them out loud.
That sounds more dramatic than it was supposed to be. OK let me put it like this. I have 2 states of mind:

• The blank one- where i completely zone out and become emotionless lets say...
• The chaotic one- where i think about everything and anything to do with life and its meaning...
  
  

Neither one of these makes me good company so most of the time i try to distract myself by socialising with friends, but it gets difficult sometimes.
However, on a more positive aspect of my life, college is going great, even if it is really time consuming but i guess thats a good thing sometimes. But it is great i'm enjoying all of my subjects and i'm making quite a few new friends. Its great! Now that i know college is great i'm really looking forward to uni :)

Bub-bye for now bloggers :)

John Green is the best!

I'm going to move on...

I find i'm the kind of person to hang up on things, taking forever to let things go and letting them get to me. But from today onwards i'm going to try to help myself for once. Let you go and move on so i can be happy all the time rather than some of the time. 
So my social week has come to an end and i find that college has crept up on me. I'm both looking forward to and dreading college. I find i'm terrible in social situations where i'm with people the same age as me. I become really self-conscious and very aware of what i should or want to say and because of it i struggle to feel comfortable with anyone and it takes me WAAYYY too long to make friends. Although i am looking forward to doing maths and sciences again. It's been a long time and i'm kind of a....nerd.
Anyway, doing this blog is making me think too much about the first paragraph and that is defying my own promises. Great, so this has started off really well.

Bub-bye for now bloggers. Now for a few nerdy quotes ;D

HAHAA! John Green is actually my favorite person in the world <3

This should happen...

What a great quote.

 

Social-ness

So this week will be fairly busy. Well to my standards it will...
Today i saw Meg- a very close friend of mine- and it was lovely. We can just talk about nothing all day long and it's just comfortable. I feel so lucky to have someone like that in my life and i never want to let that go.
Tomorrow i shall be enrolling in college seeing another friend and viewing a house and the day after i'll be meeting up with yet another friend. So all in all i think this week is going well so far :)
I think this is the most social i've been  in one week...
I've been thinking a lot this week about life and stress and people but my most recent holiday helped me forget all that and for once i felt completely relaxed. It was nice. But i'll be starting college soon, i'm both nervous and excited but we'll see how it goes.

But for now bub-bye bloggers :)

This is oh so true ;D

THE Results day TOMORROW!!!

From the title of this blog you may notice that i'm terrified about close and upcoming day...so i thought to calm myself down i would blog and search up quotes to make me feel better. So, here we go!

Very true!

I guess so...

So you should!

Ok, if you say so...

Ok.

Well, this is motivational?

I won't stop moving then.

Well, i think i did a LOT of this the last 2 years...

Well i don't know what to make of all that but if this helped you then i'm glad. I'm not as worried as i was but i guess i'll get what i deserve rather than what i want so hopefully that's good.

Okk, bub-bye for now bloggers. Maybe tomorrow i'll let you know what i got before i go on holiday :) 

Time has passed.

So since the last time i blogged (which was a while ago. sorry) I have been on holiday twice and i've been preparing for college and i've had my othordontist appointment come through, so it has been rather busy which is part of the reason why i haven't blogged in a while. The other reason is because i just haven't known what to blog about and i'm fairly dull as a person and i'm not very creative at all so i'll just write about my jam packed summer that i didn't expect.
So i've had 2 chilled holidays so far. One with my family. One with my friends. One coming up next week. The day after my GCSE results. Which is a week tomorrow. I'm freaking out like hell, but these holidays have been what i've needed to just give my mind a break and i've enjoyed the time i've spent with my family and friends.
Also, the other week i applied for a job at a supermarket and i'm actually looking forward to hearing if i have an interview or not because i'm intruiged as to whether i'll get an interview or not based on my CV and cover letter alone, bearing in mind i have little to no experience so yeah. I'm weirdly excited for that. But we'll see soon i guess and i actually won't be too disappointed if i don't get it as its only a small job and small pay but it was just to save up a little for university. 
So i'm scared about results day coming up very soon as i can just see myself being really disappointed with myself and knowing that i cant go back and change my tactics hurts but luckily enough for me i've already got the 5 GCSE's i need to get into college but i guess its just my pride and my own aspirations crumbling that will diappoint me. Another thing i'm scared about is getting my braces soon because i know i have to have teeth taken out. Which means injections. Which means the possibility of my fainting again. Which means more embaressment for me. Which also means i have to face up to my phobia of dentists and needles. This is going to be horrible and i know it. But at least i may have them taken off before i go to university. 
I think that's all i have to go on about today but i hope i'll be able to post more. I should really draw out a plan for this but it's whether i can be bothered to do that. Oh dear i'm such a lazy disappointment. My GCSE results are going to be terrible...damn.

Anytime time to go and read. Bub-bye for now bloggers.

This is my favourite quote so far...

 

Heya Biches!!!

Ok. So first note: I spelt bitches wrong in the title on purpose. For those you who do not recognise the reference then i shall recommend you watch Jacksfilms. I'm ever so slightly obsessed and in love with this guy. You should watch him :) BUT just remember he is MINE not YOURS....;) Ok so he isn't really but i can dream can't i? 
Ok so deep thought of the week. I've realised just how short life really is. This thought has been taunting me all week and i've wanted so bad to talk to someone about it but it just a terrible topic to talk about and i don't want to bring people down to that level. So a great weight has just been lifted off of my chest by typing this all down, so thank you to whoever is reading this i may not know you but i've now shared  my deepest thoughts with you who took the time to read this nonesense and to that i say 'you will never know how much i appreciate it, but i can tell you now its bigger than any possible scale you can think of'.
I've also been feeling like a crappy friend recently and i want to change it so bad, but i just don't feel worthy of such amazing friends anymore. There was a time where i would think the exact opposite. With no friends i would think that it was their loss and that i would make a great friend. But the closer i get to my friends, the more i realise that that thought couldn't be anymore false. I'm not looking for compliments or sympathy when i say these things but i've had that little of a social life that i just can't navigate myself through a friendship, meaning i don't kknow the right things to do, the right things to say or things as simple as how to initiate conversation. God knows how i'm going to find a boyfriend. -_-
But on the other hand, i had a great holiday last week with great weather and i'm learning to appreciate the small things and i'm loving it. I don't think i could thank the world enough for being so beautiful. I know there is evil also but at the end of the day that is just part of life that we all need to accept. Well that was a weird tangent but i'm feeling particularly appreciative today.

Bub-bye bloggers :)

Jack you are freakin' awesome, never stop doing what you do :)

 

What am i thinking?

Ok, so i haven't posted in a while plainly because i have nothing of importance to write about so i'm going to figure out what's going on in my head and get back to you on that. I think i'll do this over coffee :)





..................





So at what point in a friendship between a guy and a girl does it become more than friendship? I guess that's what i've been thinking about recently...This kind of thing has never really bothered me before as i always found it easier to get on with guys so i never thought anything more about it, but with teenage hormones come teenage thoughts and feelings getting in the way -_- But surely when a person is in your mind 24/7 that means something...
I don't know, maybe i'll figure it out soon but for now i can't quite make sense of what i'm feeling. Damn, why are feelings soo hard to decipher in my head? 

Bub-bye bloggers :)

Have you ever felt like this?

Everything works out in the end

I know...

I just love these little quotes...

These are all soo true...

I should hope soo....one more?

:)

Life= dull

Well. Mental crisis averted. I thought everyone have completely forgotten about me as i had no messages on facebook, twitter or my phone and i felt the loneliest i had ever been in a while. Even everyone at home either had work or school. It sucked. I had no communication with anyone and had that constant feeling that talking to anyone would just annoy them. But here's the funny part; My phone had crashed and wasn't receiving or sending any messages...so when i rebooted my phone and found 5 new messages, it restored my faith of some friendships i have. 
I try not to think too deeply about the silly things that my friends do that they don't realise hurt my feelings, because i think i'm just being a silly self-centered little child. But i can't help it sometimes. When your friends forget to invite you to something or don't wait just a few minutes more for you or don't realise that you're feeling down, it hurts. I tell myself that "i should get used to it again. You put up with it for 10 years of education, you can put up with 2 more...", but it's harder this time because i thought this group would be different. No. These are just the same as every other freakin' year of my life.
So i've decided that i can't wait to make new friends in college and see if they might appreciate me more. Don't get me wrong i do have 2 close friends that do stick by me, but they have other friends that i can't really fit in with and i don't expect them to stick around just for me but i know they care none the less, and i do love them for that.
I feel like i've done nothing but moan on here. Sorry. Also, apologies that i haven't been posting as regularly as i did before, i don't really have an excuse for it, i just haven't had anything to write about to be honest...

Bub-bye for now bloggers.

I'm not pushing you out i swear i just can't open up without it hurting and as much as you think you can, you can't stop the pain. Sorry.

my bad...

I cant help it...

Prom.

I guess ignorance is bliss...

Warning: This blog will be full of sadness so, if you're upset easily, i don't recommend reading this post.

Recently our rottweiler, shadow (8), has been in a bit of pain: yelping when she sat up from the lying position, being very sluggish in her movements and not eating properly. We put this down to her hip dysplasia, which is very common in rottweilers and she had pretty much suffered with this for most of her little doggy life. But it became obvious that that was not what was wrong with her as she was also having difficulty breathing, which was reinforced by the fact that we had found a lump growing in her neck...this is when I knew there was no going back to normal.
She was taken to the vets today by my dad, after spending pretty much the whole day lying on my bed, and both of us was expecting the worst and i had spent half an hour by the window, crying, not expecting her to come back with my dad. I thought that i'd seen her for the last time.
About that time, my dad arrived home. With Shadow. The widest grin was set on my face before i saw the grim one on my dad. When they got inside, my dad, choking on tears, told us she wouldn't be coming home again, when he took her to the vets tomorrow morning, so we need to make this evening count. She has a cancerous tumor, fluid in her lungs and a weak heartbeat.
It's taken me a while to build the courage to depart from her side to write this post, as i feel this is both beneficial to me and her mentally. Me, because i needed to get this off of my chest and cry a little...ok a LOT. Her, because she doesn't know what's happening...she doesn't know that she won't see us again after tomorrow morning...won't go camping with us this summer and chase stones on the beach till she's knackered...
But i think that's for the best. For her, like the title says, ignorance is bliss, because soon she will not be in pain, soon she will be able to see xena (our old dog) again, she will be much happier then. It's times like these that i wish i believed in heaven, so one day i may be able to see her again...
I'm going to go now because while i'm typing this, i'm crying and i'm beginning to lose sight of the keyboard and the screen so for now....
 
Bub-bye bloggers :'(

I love you Shadow, forever and always...</3

Caring

Ok. So today i have found that there are 2 types of "caring" people. 
The first one is the ones who only care when something bad is happening or when it's asked of them. These kinds of people will really nice and take some involvement in your life, but when it comes to supporting and caring for that person from day to day, it doesn't really happen. Even when they do decide to take notice in the issues in your life, they still won't be fully focused on you when you need it the most. Despite the fact that i have many of these kinds of people in my life, i still appreciate and admire the fact that they at least try to make an effort.
The second one is the people who care constantly. The ones who take an interest into everything you do, everything you feel-even the smaller things. They dont pretend to care, they genuinely care and they are pretty much always involved in your life, not just now and then. These people can care without you even asking or showing that you need someone there for you, they just know and they're always there when you need them and even when you dont, but they still somehow make a good day even better. I'm lucky enough to have someone like this in my life.  I hope that i am one of these people too.
Since i finished high school, my social life as pretty much taken a dive off of a cliff, hitting trees, boulders and water on the way down and ive been pretty secluded from my friends apart from the 2 or 3 times ive seen them and even then we were having EXAMS -_- But this 1 person has kept in contact with me since day 1 of leaving school and i cant express how much i appreciate that, because i feel like for the first time someone actually wants to talk to me rather than me feeling like the irritating one that wont go away.
Ok i feel like that was a suitably long rant for today, im sorry you had to endure that...
Bub-bye bloggers :)

I agree...

I hope someone in my life does this and i love Winnie the Pooh :)

Damn...

First of all i want to apologise greatly for not posting in a couple of weeks, but this would be because i have had many exams but now i only have 2 left so i thought i would post for the first time in ages...oops.
So far i've been feeling good after each exam but im particularly nervous for this upcoming exam i have soon as it's geography and i absolutely hate it...but hey its only geography. I hate myself a little bit more everytime i say 'hey it's only...' because i know thats not the right mentality to have but its the only way i can cope with all the stress and if i dont think like that i end up breaking down and doing nothing at all to revise...
Anyway, im not so sure what to write about today so i think i shall just tell you my worries because i feel the need to say them out loud...well written really...damn technicalities. Ok. Well one of them is college. Part of me is really excited because i get to do what i want (subject-wise) i get to meet new people and take one more step forward in life and reaching my goals, but on the other hand im scared. I feel like im in year 6 again moving up to high school: intimidated, nervous...petrified even. What if i mess everything up? again...
Another worry of mine is all this spare time i have. Im not very good with time management and recently i've had a lot of time alone with my own thoughts and thats never really good for me. But i wont go to deeply into that because i dont particularly want to think negatively today...
So. Right now im going to listen to the DEMI album that im kind of addicted to at the moment and wrap birthday presents. I didnt realise there were soo many birthdays in June...
So i'll leave you with this picture that may or may not brighten your day, it certainly made mine better ;)
Bub-bye bloggers :)

If you don't know where or who this is from then im sorry but you have had a very deprived life...