Anger.

I would lie and say 'I don't know why I'm so angry at everyone' but I do, and I cant be around anyone without snapping at them. In all honesty, it would be fine if I told them why I was snapping...it might actually help them gain a positive personality characteristic, but for some reason I highly doubt that would happen.

I'm at university. I count my lucky stars and make sure I remember how privileged and lucky I am to be here. To have the family I have. To have the friends from home - not losing contact with them because I found new people.

This past week or 2 one of my best friends, practically the big brother I never had, is suffering badly from depression. I'm scared he'll give up. I'm scared he'll do something stupid. I'm scared because I don't know what to do.

So that's why I'm upset. Justified right? I'm going through the day listening to them whine to me about their petty little problems to which I give a solution which is never good enough and all I can think of is 'how f***ing ungrateful'. They are so lucky that they have the life they have and yet they'll still whine about the most benign pathetic problems.

Grow up. That's what I want to say.

Of course I say none of this because, believe it or not, despite those thoughts of mine you've just read, I am a decent human being with morals. And of course, I'm not saying my opinion is golden and not at all wrong...I just wish they could see how lucky we all are...

I'm sorry for my angry rant...thank you for reading and understanding...if you did understand all that that is.

Bub-bye for now bloggers <3

I love finding the quotes that sum my feelings up perfectly.

I did it.

I told him.
What I was 'feeling'...maybe I should say what I was thinking instead.
Using that word doesn't require me to use quotation marks.

He made it worthwhile. He made it easy. He made it hurt less. Less. I still hurt. Almost entirely, but he stopped that.

I'm scared. Scared that I don't know what love is. I can listen to those love songs and read the love stories and watch the romance blossom on the big screen, I could tell you what love is meant to feel like, but I cant tell you that I've felt it myself. It makes me question whether its real, or whether its just a figment of our imaginations that helps us feel needed on this earth because someone, lets say, your 'soulmate' needs you to be happy, to feel whole, simply because without you the world doesn't rotate quite right. Summer isn't so bright. Winter is too cold without your warm embrace. You know. All that sappy rubbish.

Why cant I feel this? maybe i'm just being impatient...maybe I'm jaded...but for now all I know is that, right now? Its a much easier life without it.

Bub-bye for now bloggers<3

It speaks for itself really.

It's piling on again.

That feeling of the walls closing in on me...again.
I'm terrified.
Anxious.
Worried.
Sad.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to feel.
I don't know what is a normal response...appropriate.
Just tell me I'm being silly. That I shouldn't be feeling this way and maybe, oh maybe I might be able to get over it.

But until then...I'm lost. With no moral compass to lead the way.

I just don't know what to do.

Can you tell?

Bub-bye for now bloggers <3

I want it to start back up again.