I think ive mentioned before that sometimes i will feel left out of my group as i dont feel like i fit into any type of conversation they have and when i do try i have to kind of shout so it makes me look as if im trying too hard, but apart from that i love the group im in. Were all misfits that just managed to jell as a group and i love it because we all know what it feels like to feel like an outsider.
Anyway im trying to change this by telling people about my worries within the group and it seems to be working, but unlike some of the members of our group, now that im finally being noticed, i can see others that are being ignored and as the good person i try to be i try to involve them in conversations and make them happier. But i cant help but feel jealous. No one noticed me when i was upset because i was left out, why should i help them if they never helped me? That's what the, for lack of a better phrase, 'evil' voice inside of my head says. Of course i try to ignore it and help them anyway because i know how that feels and no one should ever have to go through that.
But now i feel like im sitting on the fence, between both zones: Lonliness and involvement. Not because of the people im helping, but because part of me misses the lonliness. I know that sounds silly but i do enjoy having some alone time to just take a breather from all the drama and issues within the group.
Maybe i should be more independant than i am right now?
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| This quote reminds me of my friends...or should i say song lyrics ;) |
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