Revelations.

So from the title you can probably tell that ive been starting to realise a lot of things.
First of all is that i feel like i only have 1 true friend. She is the only person i tell everything and anything to because we are alike in some ways and shes the most down to earth person i know, someone who doesnt put on a show to impress others. Even though i have a large group of friends full of great people, i dont feel like i can tell them half of the things that run through my mind. A couple of years ago i would feel lonely having only 1 true friend, but now ive realised that im the lucky one. My dad always said to me that sometime earlier on in my life i would find my lifelong friend that i would know for the rest of my life and i think i have found that one friend and i have told her this.
Second of all is that i can achieve things if i try. Today in biology i managed to zone out and do LOADS of revision in one hour (more than i would have done in one day at home). This made me realise that if i could just find that state of mind whenever i needed it then i could complete anything and that gave me hope for my future education.
Thirdly, i dont know what im feeling EVER. Earlier today, i heard someone talk about a person i knew and i THINK something like jealousy spiked within me, but i cant be sure and i wont get into that right now...maybe in another post. But even when i see my friends i dont know if im happy, left-out, upset- i just dont know anymore because of eveything going round in my head all the time.
Lastly, i try to hard and always doubt myself. Whenever i do anything i doubt myself because i think im wrong but i go with it anyway and then i always regret it. Yet whenever im right, i doubt myself but never ignore that doubt and change my mind so i end up being wrong even though i was right the first time. I have no confidence in myself whatsoever.
So i will leave you with these song lyrics that i feel are soo true to me, but completely random and unrelated to this post...

"Putting my defenses up,
'Cause i dont want to fall in love
If i ever did that,
I think i'd have a heart attack"

-Demi Lovato, "Heart Attack"